I’m watching the movie of The Da Vinci Code. Now I never read the book. I never watched the movie. I didn’t like all the hype.

Having seen it, oh, I’m glad I didn’t watch/read the first time around. I rolled my eyes at so many of the scenes.

Comes from reading too many murder mysteries when I was younger. I can see all the ‘twists’ and turns an hour before they happen. The scenes with the young Robert, I immediately, without thinking about it, called out "character development scene". I’m so bored with the movie, I’m actually writing this as I ‘watch’ the end.

I can comprehend that this sparked controversy over the issues of religion, etc., but as a suspenseful story; hardly. As for believability: are we supposed to think that Lee is believed… people spend their lives researching and developing theories, but surely he’s not the only one who’s discovered the background of Magdalene, etc. I mean, are we supposed to believe that he’s the only person in the world looking for conspiracy theories in the most famous of places (Da Vinci’s work)? 

And why does neither Robert, nor whatsherface, figure out Lee’s driver is the bad guy when he first walks into the church? Yeah, cause the monk just managed to get out of the car…. how? (Ok, yes, Silas can kill the driver… but they don’t seem to question it. These people are so lame at seeing the plotlines. But that’s my point: I’m used to the plotlines and techniques of mystery writers. As I used to say, "there’s only so many ways you can kill someone" … in a book, I mean)

Personally, I find the whole thing rather boring. Yeah, because down the ages the Priory are killing off the descendants. In which case, don’t you just want to say, "they’re not very good at it". After two thousand years, one would think they’d give up. And yet, they’re always one generation away from killing off the truth.

And what the hell is with Lee saying that if the truth is revealed, then women will no longer be oppressed. … Yeah, right.

I’m sure I’m judging the book by the movie, which is never good, because movies are never the same as the original… but I have no doubt I would have gotten bored halfway through the book as well.

The trouble with hidden-code stories is that (or at least for me), you’re pretty much expected at the outset to be given a clue which is either a red herring, or a bit of misdirected hinting. .. I’ve now waited for an hour and a half for the movie to point out that the car accident of Sophie’s family wasn’t an accident. (Remember: haven’t read the book, never seen the movie, not paid attention to either hype or spoilers) All of it is so much misdirection that I internally and immediately see it for what it is; not much more of anything but an author’s plot device. And then because I can see the truth of the misdirection, I can therefore find where the author is going. (A great trick: remember that everything in a movie is there for a reason. Even the shortest camera shot of something is important. A clue, that won’t be revealed til later. The HP movies did this, especially with that phoenix. You see it once in the early stages of the film, are told that it comes when needed, and never again: until of course, when it’s needed, as a plot device.)

One more thing: so many protectors, so many killers, and one line of descendants… and one very long line of hidden clues that only three people in the world are supposed to be able to guess at.

Two problems with that. One, why bother leaving clues, if surely, the point of the protectors is to reveal the truth completely (therefore clues are too ambiguous to be considered proof to the world, and the entire truth left in the open would be too easy prey to the killers… actually leaving clues is just as dangerous. Why bother? Are we really to believe that all these random people have left ‘clues’ everywhere in the world… to what? Remind them where the burial site is? Why bother - again - when all you have to do is tell the descendant the location… as for keeping secrets from the killers, well, they don’t seem to be good at protecting the information either way)

Second and more importantly. Have you known any group, whether small or large, who’ve been able to keep a secret for two thousand years? Apparently, they can’t, because there are all sorts of clues for anyone to discover.

I’m sure I’ve just insulted a whole bunch of people who liked the book or the movie. But you have to remember, I’ve read way too many murder mysteries, and am highly familiar with how people write books and scripts. The acting is fine, the production values very nice… I just can’t get past the obviousness of the plot.

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