I had a post all written for today, but on checking my email before pushing publish, I received an email. An email so odd, that I’m not only posting its contents, not only doing it in lieu of something else pretty big, but I’m creating a whole new category on my blog page. (I hope Part Two never arrives)

You see, I get emails. I get emails from people asking me questions about puppetry in Australia. Sometimes I get questions about puppetry; with no location given. Sometimes I get random emails from people just to tell me they’re glad to see someone talking about puppetry. I’ve had multiple random emails from people asking me to view their Youtube videos (not spam, I mean puppet-related). I get emails about link exchanges, but this, this is really the weirdest of them all. And it’s only weird if you’re me, or anyone who knows me, or anyone who spends more than two minutes browsing my site. In fact, it’s only weird if you, you know, bother reading anything on my site at all.

This email comes courtesy from someone seeing the event notification on Puppets and Stuff for my School of Puppetry next year. On the home page, new and upcoming events are posted. The following is the text for the ad:

"(I can’t believe I hadn’t posted this here yet… I’ve already got many places filled, so those Aussies should book now if you plan on coming!) So you’ve seen Avenue Q, Sesame St and The Muppets and want to build your own puppet? Perfect! Puppets in Melbourne presents the School of Puppetry, where for six weeks you get to make your very own muppet-type puppet! Learn everything from design and character to materials and tools; from making the head to attaching rods! Basic design, building with foam, methods of operation; you’ll learn everything to make your very own professional-looking puppet. Included in the classes are easy-to-follow worksheets, patterns, your very own puppet stand for display at home, a short lesson on performing with your puppet, and much more. And of course, you get to KEEP the puppet you make! You don’t have to have craft experience, just enthusiasm!

Dates: Saturdays 23rd, 30th Jan; 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th Feb 2010. Times: 9am - 4pm. Venue: Meeting Room at Northcote Library, 32-38 Separation St, Northcote (Melbourne). Cost: $318 per person, inclusive of materials and tools (add another $30 for a copy of The Foam Book, an industry standard resource and accompaniment to the classes). Places are limited to 20 people. More info and online registration at http://www.schoolofpuppetry.com.au"

Fairly standard stuff right. And if you’d read it, you might get some clues as to why the following email (with identifying info removed. A lot of the email in fact, is identifying info with a bio and history of the person involved) is so damn odd to me:

"Dear Madam /  Sir,

Let me introduce to you a well-known Czech actor and puppet theatre actor, educator [name removed].

In 1972, [named person attended such and such… performance history].

[Person named]’s professional career was interrupted in 1976 because of political persecution. Since that time, till the end of the communist rule in the former Czechoslovakia, he was taking part in unofficial cultural projects and in various happenings. As a member of the [company] he was appearing in three non-conform performances that were meeting with a good response in so called unofficial cultural society. 

In 1985, [more history]. 

Since the changes of the political climate at the end of the last decade, he has been professionally engaged as an actor in the [company] in Prague. With this theatre, [person named] appeared on stage in almost all European countries. In 1996, he took part in the theatre tour in England (especially trough [sic] the County of Kent), in 1997 he took part in several theatre festivals in former Yugoslavia, [examples given].

With his pantomime performance, he took part in the following festivals or tours:

[Range of years and international tours] 

[Person named] will be pleased to take part in your school (performance or show, show for children) in year 2010 or 2011.

I hereby send a reference to [person named]’s website and I also attach some pictures from his performances.

[URL to person named’s website. My blogging system doesn’t allow uploads via the contact function, so I received no images.]

Please let me know whether you find this proposal interesting.

Thank you,

Best regards,

[Name of someone else entirely]"

Now I know the title ‘School of Puppetry‘ can confer prestige on an event that is slightly unwarranted, and that indeed this was kind of the promotional effect I was going for. But can someone tell me, where in the above ad, it suggests that this ‘School’, this six-week event, held in a library, which includes information about puppet building classes and NOT anything else, could lead anyone to conclude that the ‘School’ is in fact: a building or institution in its own right, with regular funding, that could support and pay for an international artist to attend and perform, that has anything to do with performances themselves (producing, programming, or presenting any performances at all, adult or otherwise), or that, based on the info provided about the artist (much of which you can’t see) the person would have any relevance at all to the event that I have proposed. … Besides, what the hell does "performance or show, show for children" mean? A performance for adults, but a show for children? … :?:

I know that sounds harsh, so here counter it with what I replied which is much more polite (but still bewildered):

"Hi [name of someone else entirely],

Thank you for sending me the information about [person named]. However, I think there is some confusion: the ‘School of Puppetry‘ is merely a title, it’s not a large organisation or institution. The event I am running is a small six-week workshop for adults to learn how to make muppet-style puppets in a library in Melbourne, Australia. It’s the first time I’m running such classes, and the title ‘School of Puppetry‘ is mainly to encourage local people to register for the event.

Though I appreciate the interest, I am a one-woman company with no funding who can offer no international collaborations, productions or programming of any sort. I don’t present performances myself or work with large theatrical companies, I’m just a puppet maker who’s offering some building workshops.

I’m sorry I can’t assist, but I have bookmarked [person named]’s website (I keep a pretty large database of puppetry links) and wish him and yourself luck in finding opportunities for performance.

Regards,

Naomi Guss"

The worst thing about this email? The person spent three minutes looking at the SOP website, literally the first six seconds on the ‘More’ page (where, you know, the important info is) before heading to the other pages, only to spend the last two minutes actually typing in that message.  

Seriously, I’m now going to have a policy of: if you send me weird emails, emails that include your inability to read what’s already on my website, inability to use critical thinking or comprehension skills, then be prepared to either have me not reply, or have your email posted here.

Cause this is just getting silly now